So, my mentor and I are starting this book study together. The book we chose is called "In The Grip of Grace" by Max Lucado. I have read the first chapter and already I feel convicted. He is discussing the four types of people that are mentioned in Romans 1-3. They are 1. Hut-Building Hedonist 2. Fault-Finding Judgmentalist 3. Rock-Stacking Legalist and 4. Grace-Driven Christian. I always thought of myself as a Grace-Driven Christian. I love to serve, counsel and teach our college ministry. I pray and teach my children about God and His Grace and Jesus' sacrifice for us. I love to sing and worship God! But, through this first chapter of Max Lucado's book, I am seeing myself differently, and I am a bit ashamed of what I see. I think I may be judgmental.
Now, I have to say that I come by this character trait honestly. Judging others, and thinking you are better than them, seems to run in my family. I thought I was above all that, which puts me precisely in the same boat! How frustrating! I am realizing that when I look at others, I see their mistakes, and I get frustrated about them. I think that others can see the dumb stuff they do, and should change it. I am a fix-it type of person. Even when I counsel people, I tend to think "why can't they just stop being selfish and fix this?! Just do it!" Because of my position as a pastors wife, I get to hear a lot of stories about a lot of people's lives, and it frustrates me that people are such a mess. But, what I do NOT usually look at, is my own mess.
I have a big mess, too. I guess I should be open and tell you a few of the things I have been dealing with: I have been grieving several really hard losses of loved ones, I have two extremely needy preschool-aged children, I have gained a lot of weight, I am ashamed to look at myself in the mirror, I stress eat, I don't have the energy to exercise, I don't sleep well, I don't have many close friendships, my husband works a lot (which I appreciate, but its still hard not to see him much), I am frustrated with our housing situation, I wish that I had a place where I belonged and had a purpose, I feel basically lost. And here I am, looking at others and getting worked up over the way they handle things. I am ashamed and convicted by my judgmental attitude. Oh man! Do I feel like crap after reading chapter 1! Thanks Max :)
I am so glad that God forgives us and allows us to change our attitudes. This is something I will continually work on, and hopefully can learn the humility that I should have. Thank you God for making my mess into something for your Glory!