Monday, April 25, 2011

the rest of the story?

So, here's the latest in the saga of my friends "Jane and John":
I received a call on Thursday from Jane and she sounded hysterical, yet again.  She asked if I could come and get the baby and keep her for the day, or maybe longer, so that she could get some rest and figure out what she was going to do about moving, money, etc.  When I showed up at her apartment, she was very agitated and acting psychotic.  I was glad to get the baby out of there!  I was thinking that being so upset, and not sleeping in several days, was really taking a toll on her. I got home about an hour later, and she called me saying the police were at her apartment and needed me to bring the baby back.  I talked to an officer, and told him why I had the baby, who I was, and that she was safe and I was just keeping her overnight.  He said that was fine and took down my information.  Then I got a call from her husband saying that the police had arrested her, and were taking her to the hospital.  I was thinking this was a good thing, because she was so anxious and tired.  I was thinking nervous breakdown or something.  So, I kept the baby the rest of the day.
John asked if since Jane was in the hospital,  he could come stay with us that night to be with his daughter.  So, my husband, who works an hour away from home, drove an extra hour to pick him up and bring him to our house. It was around 7:00 PM when they got to our house, and my husband gets up at 4 AM for work.  He was completely exhausted.  At about 9:00 PM, John receives a call that Jane was being released from the hospital and she needed them to come pick her up.  So, my husband, who had already worked a 10 hour day of construction and driven for 3 hours, took John and the baby home.  He then picked up Jane at the hospital and was informed by the doctor that Jane had cocaine in her system.  She was still very agitated and jumpy.  I don't know if you have ever seen anyone on cocaine, but now I know what that looks like.  It's not pretty!  Finding this out, made her behavior earlier in the day make more sense.  She couldn't stand still, look me in the eye, form coherent sentences,  etc.  When my husband picked her up, she was still acting the same way. 
He took her home and then drove back home, getting home after 10 PM. 
He was supposed to work for someone on Friday, but John called him and asked if he would take them to the bus station, because they were going back east.  So, my husband drove an hour back to get them, and found them not home.  He had to drive 5 miles away to a friend's house they were at, and then they wanted to go to a store, and go by their apartment.  When they got to the apartment, the manager had changed the locks and evicted them, so they couldn't get their belongings.  Then they asked my husband to go to the bus station.  He was taking them there (another hour away) when they decided that they would take the money we gave them for rent (which they were going to use now for bus tickets) and spend the night in a motel instead of getting on a bus.  But, then they needed more money for the bus.  Oh, all this was after they spent $50 on nothing (Gatorade/cigarettes?) at yet another store. 
By this time, the whole day had gone by, and my husband was getting really ticked off.  He had been driving John around for two days, spending money on him, and they just kept asking for more.  They had no concept or thought to his time and money.  We threw our hearts, souls, money, time and sanity into helping them because we care so much about them and their daughter.  We really wanted to show the love of Christ to this family, but I think maybe we just got taken advantage of.  They called us again that evening while my husband was getting our kids to bed.  They asked for clothes and duffel bags so they could be presentable on the bus.  I thought my husband was going to blow a gasket!  I am impressed at his restraint and love for this family.  He did not yell at John, but firmly told him that we've done all we can do. 
How far should we go when helping people?  How many times do we let people take advantage of us?  Jesus tells us to forgive 70 x 7 times.  (Matthew 18:22)  So, I will forgive them.  I will try to be like Jesus, and I will not hold it against them.  Maybe when they get to their destination, and she gets clean, and things settle down, they will think back on how we helped them and showed them unconditional love.  Maybe they will see God's Love through our sacrifices and learn to love Him more.  That's really all I can hope for.  Please keep them in your prayers as they travel across the country with nothing but the clothes on their backs.  Please pray they find a safe place to stay and that Jane gets the help she needs.  Pray for their precious baby girl...she is very special to me.  And please pray for me and my family, that as we deal with this experience, that it will help us better understand what God has for us, and the best ways to help people in need. 


  1. Its very discouraging that they are falling back into that behavior. I was really hoping and praying for a different result, and while I do understand where the church ministry is coming from, we can't turn our backs on our brothers and sisters. I'm truly hoping that going back home is not as toxic for them as when they left. It doesn't make sense for them to move back to where they started getting in trouble but maybe their family will step up. I wish I could tell you that you were not taken advantage of, but surely God sees your heart and knows you had the best of intentions. You did the right thing for them and you will be blessed for your faithfulness. Hopefully, and I will be praying for this, they will see God's love for them and provision and grow closer to him. Addiction is a battle, that even with God, is not easily overcome. Just remember all 3 of them have something holding onto them physiologically and it will take time to get help. I pray their family is not into drugs also, as many of the families I have encountered are. The best thing we can do for them and their little girl is pray! Pray for God to heal what's going on inside their bodies. Pray that they have strength to endure the urge to get high. Pray that they stop finding sources for the stuff. Unfortunately, once you know one way to get it, you know them all. Just pray! God is bigger than addiction, but they have to let him in and rule their life and heal that physical part of them that is damaged from the addiction.
    Laura, I will pray for you and Jesse that you will be able to heal from the hurt I'm sure you feel. Its going to be a hard road for them, but it may be harder for you to open up to others like that again. I will pray that, unlike me, your heart will not be hardened. Hang in there. Christians like you are rare, and I hope you are not too discouraged from this.

  2. Shelly, thanks so much for your encouragement and care about us and this family! We are feeling discouraged, but that doesn't make us not want to help more people. It is causing us to talk about the boundaries we need to have in order to help without getting taken advantage of. Does that make sense? Like, having a $ limit or never giving anyone cash. Buying them the things they need, and keeping them accountable for the help they ask for. We are coming up with a family plan for this, as to not "wing it" next time someone needs help.